im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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