NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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