"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
