Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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