I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
