I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Randomize
