I have demons in me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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