I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
