you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
