we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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