He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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