I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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