do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
