I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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