lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
