I hate all girls vehemently.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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