An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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