We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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