apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
