wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
