i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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