U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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