Apparently you make a good broom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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