are you so shy because you have an std?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He felt like a one man threesome
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
