the condom got lost in my hair
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize