Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
