The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
