He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
