We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
