So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
