i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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