She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
