ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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