think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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