So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize