bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
