Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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