Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
