So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
