I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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