It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
