I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
