what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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