it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
