its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
