I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
