bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
