Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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