well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just googled if crying burns calories
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
