cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
