So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
