Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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