everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
