I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
