so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My ass is underappreciated
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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