Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
