Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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