oh god the rape fog is back!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
