never play flip cup with pint glasses
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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