I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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