What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize