I'm so fucking centered right now
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
