The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize