So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
