I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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