there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize