i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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