you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
