youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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