He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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