I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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