You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
