i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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