508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
