Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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