if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
