we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
