i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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