if you like me you must not know who I am
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
