Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
