sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
