I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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